Thursday, June 30, 2011


A few years ago I started seeing a therapist.

Okay background mom passed away on December 19, 2004 unexpectedly from a massive stroke.  This was a devastating loss to me and my whole family.  She was our rock.  She was my rock.

On my old blog I have a post describing the day my family scattered her ashes.  You can read it here:
Mom's Ashes

Shortly after that, her estate went through probate and everything was settled.  I received the check in the mail and that day I had my first panic attack.  Needless to say that was the beginning of a long road ahead of me.

I found out through therapy and talking that I had really had suffered from anxiety for a long time, this just brought it all to the forefront.  It was a long road that I hope I never go through again.  Suffering from anxiety and panic attacks can literally be paralyzing.  It took a few years for me to really get over it.  That and a wonderful therapist who I cherish.

She also gave me a word that I took ownership of.


People always say "I have to do this" or "I have to do that".  When in reality most of the time you don't.

 It is something you are CHOOSING to do.

So when my beautiful friend Stacy had a "Word of the Year" necklace at her shop Bella Wish, I wanted one.  But for the longest time I couldn't come up with MY word.  Then all of the sudden I realized MY word was standing there right in front of me.   CHOOSE.

My life has changed a LOT since last year.  And I chose to handle it in my own way.

We don't always get what we want and a lot of the time we have to work hard for it.  But it's a choice we are making to do that.

I was talking with a good friend of mine the past couple of days.  I was helping them with their problem and I realized that I needed a little help myself.  My friend and I think a LOT alike, and it was in their words to me to help me to realize that I had a choice.  And I took ownership of that.  And I chose to take control of it.

When life gets to be a little hairy, remember that you have a choice.  Step back, gain perspective, realize you do have a choice.  Maybe there is a situation that is beyond your control and there is nothing you can do about it, but you DO have a choice in how you handle it.

And to my friend, if you are reading this, thank you again for helping me to realize my choice. :)

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