Sunday, August 28, 2011

Turning the Corner

This past week I made a decision.

What should I focus on...

Would it be crocheting?



All three I love with a passion.

But as my daughter and friend/mentor told me.....I need to pick one.

That doesn't mean I have to abandon the others.

It just means I have to put my main focus on one passion and run with it.

I need to own that passion.

Show that passion.

Live that passion.

A few events came into play this past week to render my decision.

I was commissioned for some work with this passion.

I was introduced to another fellow artist by a longtime friend of mine, and this was without her knowing what decision I had made.

I was "friended" by two fellow artists on Google+ who chose the same passion I am choosing.

A friend encouraged me to enter a blog contest.

All of these events happened within a week of each other.


Or were they signs telling me what was in my heart all along?

However you look at it.

I chose it.

I chose photography.

I know I have a long way to go to find my niche in the photography world.

But it's what I love.

It's a passion that I rekindled a couple of years ago, with many possibilities.  I was making contacts.

A passion that I had to put on hold for a little while.

But no more.

I'm back.

And it's what I love to do.

And I can't wait to keep rekindling that passion as I keep pushing forward.

Stay tuned......

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Finding Balance

Yin Yang Symbol

"Balance is essential to harmony and health"

"Yin-Yang represents the ancient Chinese understanding of how things work. The outer circle represents "everything", while the black and white shapes within the circle represent the interaction of two energies, called "yin" (black) and "yang" (white), which cause everything to happen. They are not completely black or white, just as things in life are not completely black or white, and they cannot exist without each other."

Finding that "Balance" in your life can be VERY frustrating.

Things aren't going your way.  You feel you are trying and trying and getting nowhere.

I get that.  BELIEVE me, I get that.

The past 14 months, actually the past 2 years I have felt that way.  Between a marriage ending, finding a full-time job, finding my place, taking care of my girls, living in a house that likes to suck in water when it rains REALLY heavy for a LONG time, getting a new car, trying to keep order going, friends, family, etc, etc, etc.

You get it.

It's not easy.  There are many a time when I just want to crawl up into a ball, shut out the world and say "forget about it".  Or yell and scream and cry and say "life's not fair"!

And then I have those self-doubts.  You know them. We ALL have them.  I don't care HOW confident you are, you know you get them too. 


You've got to find the good in everything too.  You've GOT to find the balance to even that all out.

You've got to find the positives.

The marriage ended, but I get a chance to showcase who I AM.  I had to find a crappy full-time job, but I got to learn new software and learn how to tolerate other things and find a new job that starts soon.   I felt lost at times, but I smile and am more happy now than I have been in a long time.  My car broke down, I had to get a new smaller, car with payments, but it's MY car, and it's cute, and I like it.   Yes, there's chaos in my life, but I try and look for the positive every day.  To try and find out a lesson that I'm learning to improve myself. Friends and family will tell you that I am a very impatient person.  But I am learning patience.  And that is vital to me.  To my psyche.



I DO have a lot on my plate.  But I make time for ME.  For myself.  To go enjoy life with the people I care about.  Share special moments.  Make others smile.  Make me smile.

And that is a key important in finding that balance.  You may be starting to undertake a HUGE committement in your life.  Or start to take on a project that may be life altering in some aspect of your life.  And it may seem overwhelming. (Trust me, I feel overwhelmed PLENTY of times).  But take time and go have fun.   Go by yourself or share it with friends, or a special someone who makes you smile. 

Find that balance in your life.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

A New Path Is Forming

Our lives are one continuous path.  One road.  That road may twist and turn a LOT, but it's still a path we must take.

Today I took a step on a new path that I have been wanting to take for a long time.

My beautiful magical friend encouraged me to take it.

She has been pushing me to take this path for a long time now.

She inspired me to take it a few years ago.  And that path, while it was a small one, was a start of a journey I am on now.

That path didn't dead end for me, but it did come to a standstill, for the time being.

I am hoping to pick up that path again very soon.

And while I'm not sure if the path will entail the same elements it did before, it is a path that I feel I am ready to start back up on.

A path for ME.

A path that I have to believe DO believe is meant for me.

A path of creativity.  Of success.

A path where I have the confidence of showcasing that part of me and believing in it.

I know it won't be an easy journey.

There will be many ups and downs, self doubt, worries, highs, lows, but I CHOOSE to believe that  this is something for me.

I still can't quite put my finger on exactly what it will be, but I have friends who see me down the road, being successful.   They can feel the energy that will be there.

And if they believe..............

Then I must as well.

Not for them, but for ME.  For me and my girls.

Here we go.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Happy Birthday to My Baby!

Today my baby turns 9 years old.

Wow, this is her last year in the "single digits" age.

I always like to reflect back on their life so far on their birthdays.  Jordan didn't come into the world as most babies should, on time.

No, she came 6 weeks early.  I remember that day so vividly.  It was scary and exciting at the same time.  I was going to get to see my baby!  But oh no, my baby was coming too soon!  My friend, Michelle, was in the delivery room with me most of the day and I'm so glad she was there with me!
I so incredibly scared those first few days of her life.  When she was born, her lungs weren't fully ready to be used on their own.  She was on oxygen, and ended up having a collapsed lung and had to have a chest tube put in her.  

Like clockwork, I was in NICU to see her every 3 hours.  I made sure I pumped because I was going to make sure she got my milk, because I knew it was the best for her.  I probably had the quickest recover every from delivering a baby, because I was always walking over to NICU to be with her.  And thank goodness the hospital let me stay there, because there was no way I was leaving my baby.

Jordan a few days old

THANKFULLY she was able to go home after only just a week.  She recovered quickly and was strong.  She had jaundice for quite a while though.

Of course after that, she rarely let me sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time.   There were times that I had to put her in her car seat and I literally slept on the floor just so she would sleep for a little while.   I wasn't going to do the family bed with Jordan, but it ended up better, just so I could get some sleep.  And, for those of you non-believers, she sleeps FABULOUSLY now, in her own bed.

1 year old
Here she is at 1 year old.  as you can see she thrived very well her first year of life.  One thing about her is that she liked noises.  Maybe it was from being in NICU?  I have no idea.  But she was always making noises.  You can ask her sister, she will remember too.

Halloween 2003

2 years  old
One thing about her is that she's always busy with something, or curious about something.  She'll ALWAYS ask us "WHY"  And she has such a creative mind.  She will come up with the most interesting things.  One day in the car, she was sitting there and she had a notebook and she drew and created her own Superheroes!  Her imagination astounds me sometimes. 

She is also much more comfortable with "routines".  With my older one, I could put her in the parks and recs preschool here, which is 10 weeks and then off for 6 weeks.  She was fine with it.  This one?  Not so much.   Deviation from the routine would leave her in a quandry.  I found a Montessori Preschool which she ended up loving.  It was every day and she needed that.  She needed that continuity.  She still does.

3 years old
She has always loved to play dress up and was thrilled when her grandparents got her this dress for her birthday. I just love her smile.  It warms my heart every single time.

4 years old
Here is a prime example of her "spontaneous spirit".  She was in her nightgown and looked outside and saw leaves falling all over the place and so she wanted to go run around the backyard in them as they were falling and flying all over the yard.

She is one though that has always liked to be by my side and want me.  Even as a baby she did, but she was always so curious as to her surroundings.

 She can have her "oddities" as well.  She likes to have things a certain way.  That's not to say that she's neat. Not by a longshot.  In fact, she is most definitely the messiest person in this house.  And it drives her sister crazy too.  And I do get to a point where it does drive me crazy too, but I have to pick my battles with her.  She is one that knows what she wants.  And she is one where she will decide what time she is ready for something.  I tried to take her to swimming lessons and after the 2nd time, she was screaming to get out of the pool.  So we didn't continue.  But she swims just fine now.

There are times she has her certain habits, which drive some people crazy.  One time my cousin and her boyfriend came down to visit and after 1 day of it, her boyfriend called me a saint to be able to put up with everything she does.

I see the creativity in her.  I see the wheels turning.  I allow her to be creative in who she is.  And if it means being a messy person, so be it.

I do have to say that she does clean her room from time to time now, which is a feat in itself.

  She has the most amazing eyes, doesn't she?

To first know her, she is very shy.  But not as shy as she used to be.  You couldn't even get her to say Hi to you before, but now, she will at least do that.

But at school?  Geez, the girl had friends arguing over who gets to play with her.  I am dead serious.  And the thing is, is that she doesn't care, for the most part, who she plays with.

One time in Kindergarten, my friend, Sandra, came up to me one day and said that it was so sad, she saw her  on the playground by herself.  I told Sandra that that was because she didn't want to play with anyone.  That was her choice.  And maybe that's why kids are drawn to her, because she has such a laissaz faire attitude with it all.  Well, except when it comes to her sister, and or wanting something.  Then she is as stubborn as hell and will not stop.  And as annoying as it is now, it's going to be a big asset for her when she grows up.

And this girl is smart.  Boy is she smart.  I think things come fairly easily to her and she doesn't feel the need to have to try that hard.  At least when it comes to education.  SO FAR.

And with sports?  If she applied herself she could be a real athlete.  I see it in her.  But she comes off as goofy and uncoordinated, because I think she doesn't apply herself, because it's not that important to her.  Which is fine too.

I allow her to be who she is and who she wants to be.  I see the magic inside her.

Happy Birthday to my Sweet Baby J.