A Journey of the Past

 Over 39 years ago, I was sitting in the living room with my mom and we were talking.  This talk was different than normal ones, as we talked about her life and things had happened back then.  I was 18 years old when this conversation took place.

She started asking me about my teenage years. Not in any accusatory tones, just curious.

As the conversations went on, she shared a secret with me. She had been pregnant twice before I was born. Both of the pregnancies resulted in a male child.   And both of those male babies were given up for adoption. She told me that she wanted me to know in case either one of them came looking for her and showed up on our doorstep.  (They never did). Talk about a shocker of a secret!

As the conversation continued, she revealed to me that my grandparents basically forced her to go to a home for unwed mothers (It was called the Florence Crittendon Home for Unwed Mothers) the first pregnancy.  She then gave the baby up for adoption.

As for the second pregnancy, she didn't go into a home for unwed mothers, but she did give the baby up for adoption as well.  She told me that the paperwork was still at my grandparents house and so the next time we went over there, we looked for it, but the paperwork was no longer there.  My grandma must have gotten rid of it.

I wasn't provided intricate details, and sometimes I wondered why I never asked.  I think maybe I was in shock from what she told me and wanted to provide the support for her. 39 years later and 39 years of growing up, I sometimes wish I would have asked her.  Was it consentual? What happened? What was life for her like back then?

Ever since then I had always wondered about those two baby boys.  What did they look like?  Did they resemble mom?  How could I ever go about finding them?  The only thing I knew was their years of birth.  The first one was born in 1963, and the 2nd one was born either 1965 or 1966.  Not much to go on, eh?

Almost 21 years ago, my mom passed away.  Life went on.  I had even worked for a private investigator for 14 years once.  Never was able to figure out any information.  I did have conversations with one of my aunts.  She was able to give me a little bit of information regarding that time.  Little by little I was able to obtain pieces of the past.

I even did an Ancestry DNA test, in the hopes that maybe one of them had done it as well and I would be able to find them that way.  No such luck.  I joined an Adoption group on Facebook.  It was there that I found an "Adoption Angel" who helps people track down adopted parents, siblings, etc.

That, along with the scattered bits of information, I was able to narrow down the search.  There was one male, who I thought was him.  The first one. I sent a letter. He messaged me on FB. We talked. Turns out it wasn't him. But he did offer some suggestions and that was really kind of him.

Back to the drawing board.

I had to figure out a way to narrow down the timeline of when she was pregnant.

One of my sisters and I often shared momentos that we had of our mom.  She sent me a picture of a class schedule that our mom had filled out in December 1962.  Wait, what?  She went to Junior College?  I never remembered that!  Fast forward to Summer of this year.  I had to request my transcripts for my transfer to a CSU college that I am attending in the fall.   I then remembered that my mom had gone to college from that schedule my sister sent me.  

So I requested my mom's transcripts from that college she went to and found information!  She had attended that college from Fall of 1961 through Spring of 1964. 3 years she went to that college.  Except for one semester.   Fall of 1963.  She withdrew all of her classes that semester, but returned that Spring of 1964.  That HAD to be it. Then I started looking through old photo albums.  What was the chance that there was a picture of her during that time?  Even if there was a slim chance I had to look.  And I found it. I found one picture of her in the Fall of 1963. Her face was much more round than normal.  Her top was loose. You weren't able to actually see her belly, but I have seen pictures of my mom pregnant with me at 4 months and even then, (her 3rd pregnancy), you can't really tell that she was pregnant.

So Fall/early Winter of 1963.   I had narrowed down the timeline.  The Adoption Angel found one pregnancy in which a male child was born to a woman with the same last name as my mom's name. Right around Christmas.  My aunt had told me that one of the babies was born around Christmas.   The pieces fit.  This had to be the correct one.

I sent him a letter. Again with my contact information.  

Wednesday, June 18th a 2:23, I received a phone call. From him. He got my letter.  We talked. He told me the city that he knew he was born in.  It was the same city that my mom gave birth in. That was a confirmation for me.

He agreed to a DNA test, and so I gifted him an Ancestry DNA test (since I was already on there). 

Friday, July 25, 2025, the results came in, showing, in fact, that he is my 1/2 brother.

Now we start the journey of learning about each other. Of me providing answers to any and all questions he has. Introducing him to other family members.

The journey going forward is uncertain, but at the start of this journey my reasons for doing this have been perfectly clear.  To see if he looks like mom and answer any questions he has.  If he chooses to want to continue a relationship, I will oblige.  If he doesn't, then I can respect that.

And by the way, he does have a resemblance to my uncle, my mom's brother.   So the resemblance is there.

One down, One to Go.

Small House Living

 Tiny Homes are the new rage for people wanting to downsize and cut back on their expenses.

Do a lot of people collect way more than what they actually need?  Absolutely.  Am I one of those people?  Yep!   

Every so often I will go through my stuff and declutter.  Even after "decluttering" I know I have more than I need to have.

I've been watching tiny home videos on YouTube lately, as one of my dearest friends has been contemplating living in a tiny home one day.  I think these homes are absolutely adorable and they really make you keep less clutter in your home.

Watching these videos definitely inspire me to keep decluttering.  Plus, one day I don't want my children to have to go through so much crap in my house.  But that's not to say that I still can't get rid of a lot of it.  I have a couple of collections that I have, but I am in the process of creating a spreadsheet so when that time comes, they will know how much to sell it for <grin>

Back to small house living.......

I grew up in a 1 bedroom duplex with my mom, my two sisters and myself.   1 bedroom, 1 bathroom (can you even imagine? 4 girls and 1 bathroom!).  My two sisters and myself slept in the bedroom and my mom slept in the living room on the couch that pulled out to a bed.  Her dresser was in the living room and she got a wardrobe eventually to hang her clothes.

In the bedroom there was a trundle bed and a bunk bed.  Me, being the oldest I chose the upper bunk.  My mom hung a shelf up there so that I could display my things.  The bunk bed encompassed a small closet, 4 dresser drawers and a small bookshelf next to the lower bed.  The bunk bed itself was L-shaped.   When we got that bunk bed I was so excited, because I got to have my very own closet, and 2 of the drawers were all mine.  (When you share a room with others, being able to have your own "space" is extremely important.) My mom even let me put up posters of musicians in my room, including a poster of Prince in a leopard speedo (can you even imagine that today, with my younger sisters in the room? LOL)

I can still picture that bedroom. There was a small cubby as well in which my stereo was placed upon it, another small cubby for a TV that we eventually got, and even a little table and chairs for my sisters.  My mom was extremely creative in organizing so that we were able to maximize the space.  The closet ended up being for my two sisters, along with their toys.

The living room encompassed the couch (which was my mom's bed at night), a stereo cabinet where we could listen to records, a TV stand for the TV, a desk (which each one of us took turns using as we got older), my mom's dresser and armoire.  There was a coffee table and and end table as well. (My sister and I love looking through old pictures and looking at the background of the picture to see the surroundings we grew up in.

Eventually my mom purchased a washer and dryer that was able to fit in a utility closet in the kitchen.  We originally had a table and chairs in the "dining room" area of the kitchen, but I can't remember if it broke or we never used it that much (we seemed to eat at the coffee table most of the time).  I do remember once that I wanted my own room so bad, that we moved the table and chairs into the living room and I created my own "nook" in the kitchen for my "bedroom".  I think that lasted about a week or two and I wanted to go back into the bedroom.  Eventually my mom got a "bar" that replaced the table and chairs, and it was used for storage.   She also had a bakers rack and some other knick knacks in that area.   The kitchen itself was decent, however the cabinets only were on the back wall.

Looking back and how little we had, compared to all of my friends (all my close friends were only children and they all had their own rooms), there were definitely hard times.  But my mom worked hard to provide for us.  She worked full time and yet still had time to make clothes for us when we were younger, decorate the house for the holidays with what little decorations we had, and provide us with every ounce of love she had for us.   It was definitely hard for her, and you know the saying "it takes a village"?  Well she was very lucky to have that.   We had wonderful neighbors, grandparents who lived close by, and aunts and uncle who were close by as well.

And maybe, because I had so little back then, I feel like "needing" more at times.  I am lucky in the fact that I was able to buy a townhouse for me and my two daughters.  And given the fact that I am a "homeowner" now, when I find things for great prices or things that I think I MIGHT need in the future (such as home improvement items), I'm apt to pick them up.

Within the next year or so, I will become an "empty nester". I feel by then I will definitely declutter more and more, but also work on making it even more inviting so that guests will want to come stay with me so I'm not so lonely, lol.

While the tiny house idea seems very inviting, my goal is to retire here and have my mortgage paid off by then.  We shall see what happens.  And honestly, my townhouse is about 1100 sq ft, so it's not like it's all THAT big anyway