New Tattoo

This is my new tattoo I got a couple of weeks ago.

The symbol inside the circle of beads is an "Om Shanti" symbol.

Here is a synopsis of its meaning:

"Like many mantras, this one begins with "Om". Om has no meaning, and its origins are lost in the mists of time. Om is considered to be the primeval sound, the sound of the universe, the sound from which all other sounds are formed.

In the Brahminical tradition, from where Buddhism undoubtedly obtained mantra practice, Om is not just the universal sound, but the sound of the universe itself. For example in the (non-Buddhist) Mandukya Upanishad, it is said:

Om! — This syllable is this whole world.

Its further explanation is: –
The past, the present, the future — everything is just the word Om.

And whatever else that transcends threefold time — that, too, is just the word Om.

You could regard Om as being the equivalent of white light, in which all of the colors of the rainbow can be found.Om is therefore a sound symbolizing reality. It represents everything in the universe, past, present, and future. It even represents everything that is outside of those three times. It therefore represents both the mundane world of time in which the mind normally functions, and the world as perceived by the mind that is awakened and that experiences the world timelessly. It represents both enlightenment and non-enlightenment.

Shanti (Pali: Santi) simply means "peace". It’s a beautiful meaning and also a very beautiful sound. The shanti is repeated three times, as are many chants in Buddhism. In Buddhism as well as in Hinduism the threefold Shanti is generally interpreted as meaning the Threefold Peace in body, speech, and mind (i.e. peace in the entirety of one’s being)."

Now, while I do not practice Buddhism, the whole concept of this meaning resonates with me.

I have plenty of times when I feel that life around me is out of control and I need to find a place of peace.  A place to just "BE" and allow that wild roller coaster to follow through on it's path.

I have said before that I am Passionate.   And Impatient. And Stubborn.  And VERY Caring.  These things I know for sure about me.  I will be the first to admit it.

There are so many things and events and people in this world that I can accept.  But just like any other person, there are certain values I hold strong to me and how I want to live my life that I will not deter on.

I first saw this symbol on a charm of a necklace that my dear friend, Stacy, sells.  I know I have mentioned her Bella Wish shop on many occasions and showcased necklaces that I have purchased from her.  When I bought the necklace, that holds this charm, a few years ago, it was my little reminder to me to work at Peace.  With myself.  With others.  With how people should treat others.

Now that's not to say that I don't have my fits of emotion.  I do, believe me I do.  And everyone has to.  You can't bottle that up inside.  It will eat you alive.  Especially if you are passionate about things.  Yes, excitement is a wonderful thing to do, but having that anger and hurt is also a normal part of being human and you have to let that out too.  Obviously it's best to emit that emotion in a manner that is not harmful to yourself or others.

The other day a friend posted about how her girls were having an epic meltdown, and how I said I wanted to be a little kid again and have that meltdown.  And she gave me "permission" to do it.  And I should be able to do it.  I should.  And I did, to an extent.  I screamed so loud in my car that I scared even myself.  But a buildup of emotion has to go get released somehow.  And if I can scream in my car to emit some of that release, that has got to be a good thing.  Because honestly, do you really want that emotion eating you up inside?  You've got to be able to release it.  And it was done in a way that did no harm to anyone (except maybe my vocal cords).

To get back to Peace.

And while I could certainly wear my necklace every day to remind me of it, I wanted something more permanent on me that I could look at every day.  A reminder of who I resonate to be, and truly am, inside and out, amid all the chaos.

Blog Reading and a Brief Insight

Years ago when I first decided to start a blog, I was inspired by a few bloggers.  Karen Walrond of Chookooloonks, Heather Armstrong at Dooce,  Chris Jordan from Notes From The Trenches, and my dear friend, Stacy at Clover and Sage,    Every now and then I get a chance to read them, but definitely not like I used to be able to way back then.

I had another blog before this, where I would write the ins and outs of my life back then.  A "Mostly" SAHM (stay at home mom).

Way back then I only worked part-time.  Only while my kids were in school and not on Mondays at all.  Mondays used to me MY day.  Well that day and Sunday afternoons.  But Mondays were the days when no one was in the house.  I could catch up on stuff if I wanted to.  I could go help out at their schools.  I could sit and read blogs if I wanted to.  I could get inspired from what I saw and read on the internet and actually attempt them.  I could get errands done.  So even though I did use that day to catch up on things, it was still MY day to do as I pleased.

I was reading Notes From The Trenches today and it just brought me back to those times when I did read her blog regularly.  She blogs mostly about her daily life with her and her children.  All 7 of them.

That's one of the things I miss a lot.  Spending more time with my girls in their day to day activities, including school activities.  Little insignificant things that may not mean a lot to most, but were enjoyable to me.

Now, I can sit here and reminisce about it all the time and be melancholy, but what good is that going to do anyone?  Definitely not good for me.

Things happen.

Life changes.

You have to move forward.

Because if you don't, you can't enjoy the life there is in the here and now.

So we learn to adjust and make do with how it is now.

Back then my oldest was younger than my youngest one is now.  Now she has a car and spends most of her free time with friends or texting (not while driving though). Today we left the house at the same time and she ended up driving right next to me.  Now THAT was weird.....seeing my daughter driving a car next to me.  I remember when she would drive the little Cozy Coupe plastic car on the back patio.

Back then my dreams were to get the house in perfect decorating order, create the perfect scrapbooks, think about  possibly doing something creatively to earn extra income.  Go on school field trips.  In the Summer, take my girls to the beach, or the park, or the zoo.  I would write to my girls in the journals I had for them  I would sew clothes for them.   Work on crafts with them.  Be the ultimate "UberMom". Be a famous Mommy Blogger.

Now I'm lucky if I get the dishes and the laundry done.

But the creative part is still there.  It always will be.  I grew up on it and there's no way to eliminate that in my life.

And I'm even working on ways to produce income from it as well.

And the girls and I still carve in time as well.  The other night the younger one and I played Mario Cart Wii.  The older one and I watch TV in the evenings most of the time.

I do miss them being little, but I am thoroughly enjoying who they are becoming as they grow up.

And while I still may miss those parts of my life back then, I thoroughly enjoy my life as it is now.  I love my job.  I choose to surround myself with people who mean a lot to me.  Who are caring, positive, sarcastic in a fun way, and witty.
And I still like to read those blogs.  It gives me inspiration and ideas to find time to still do some of those things. :)

Paying it Forward

Here is my youngest with an entire outfit (including the shoes, but not including the backpack) that were "hand me downs".  I have two gorgeous friends, Jenna and Amy, who have been so gracious enough to give me some  of their daughters' clothing that no longer fits.

And my youngest loves them as well!  It's like getting a whole new wardrobe (literally) of gorgeous clothes!  She is still at that age, where it doesn't "have" to be a name brand for her to wear it, but fortunately for her and me, some of the clothes ARE name brands.

To be able to have friends like that who share like that, are awesome!

I love doing the same as well and have clothes that I have set aside to give to a friend (actually 2 friends)

In times like these, it's always good to "Pay It Forward" whenever you can.  Whether it be passing clothes down to help defray costs of having to buy new ones, helping to watch their children, running an errand or two for them, or just helping out in any small way, even by listening, or inspiring someongANY little bit can help.

Let's face it.  Times are tough these days, some, more than others.   There are those, including myself, that are trying to live out their dreams of pursuing some sort of art, or career, or whatever, trying to make it on their own, and having that little bit of extra help, truly, TRULY means the world to us.

I used to be able to give more than I do now, but I still try to find some way to pay it forward,  in any way I can.  Or help out someone I care about in whatever small way that makes their life a tiny bit easier.

Do something nice and good for someone, because it IS the right thing to do.

And it makes the world a better place.

Passion

A few years ago I was introduced to the idea of a "Word of the Year".  It is a word that you choose, to encompass who you are at the time/or a word that you choose to help you along your journey.  Whether it be a journey of creating, of life in general, or whatever you want it to be for you.

Last year my word was "Choice".  It was a word that had been guiding me in my life, making me realize that I DO have a choice in my life.

This year my word is "Passion".  For one, it's a word I use to describe myself.  A word I use to describe how I feel about things, people, etc.

My lovely and dear friend, Stacy, made my necklace for me.  She owns Bella Wish on Etsy.   She believes in her work, which makes my necklaces that much more special.  And I do own quite a few of her necklaces.  I received this just recently and I wanted to share it with you.

PASSION = Me

My new "baby"

In 2005, I purchased my first Digital SLR camera, the Canon EOS Rebel XTI.  I fell in love with this camera right away.  

This was my 2nd SLR camera, my first one was this one: 

I used this camera from Junior High on (and I won't tell you how long ago that was....)

This was a film camera.  I had always used film until late 1990's

This year I decided that I needed to upgrade.  After much research and discussions with friends, I decided on this one:

It is the Canon 50d.  It is no longer made, but I felt it was the right camera body for me.  I was able to purchase it used from a photographer.

I am in love with this new camera.

And I love having my other Canon as a backup so that I don't have to stop to change lenses, if need be during a photo shoot.

Featured Artist!

I'm so excited to announce this!  Today I am the featured artist on one of my fellow artist's blog!

Read about it over here! :)  Kelly Mae Kreations

On Being A SAHM and Full-Time "Paid" Working Mom

I have been on both ends of this spectrum.

I have seen major debates on the "Stay At Home Mom (SAHM)" and the Full-Time Working Mom.  And thankfully most people are accepting of both.

I used to be a SAHM.  And I loved and cherished every moment of it.  Being able to be there for every little think that my child went through.  Keeping a clean house, meals on the tables.  You know, the whole June Cleaver, 1950's mom.

Yes, I missed being in the workforce and interacting with adults who got paid for their work.

My transition into the workforce was a slow one back.

We had moved out of state and really had no plans to come back.  But after a family member passed away I wanted to come back.  So we did.  And I started to work again.  Granted it was very minor, about 6 hours a week, I think, to start with.  But it was nice to have that little extra cash.

Then, slowly, I started working more hours and eventually I think I was up to 16-20 hours a week.  I worked as a bookkeeper for a private investigator.  My boss was the bomb.  He was SO accommodating to me when it came to my children.  I was able to bring them to work with me, heck, when I had my 2nd girl, he moved me into an office, got me a little portable crib/playpen, so I could bring her into work with me.  I didn't have to pay for childcare, and I was able to be with my girls.  I was able to take them to and from school.  I only would work while they were in school.  They got to come home right after school.

It was the ideal set up for me.

But as we all know, life does not stay the same.

There came a time when it was necessary for me to work full-time.  First it started off at 30 hours a week, and that meant that I needed to put my youngest in after-school care.  It was on the school grounds and so I felt very comfortable with that.  I had hoped to never have to do that, but it is  safe place, she has friends there, and she does her homework there and saves me the battles of having to have her do it at home.  An EXTREME plus in my book with the homework! :P

Then I was provided an opportunity to work full-time, with a different company that was able to pay a little bit more.  See, it was necessary for me to start becoming self-sufficient.  But this was something I wanted to do. Would I have loved to have continued to work part-time and be that "part-time" stay at home mom (if you even want to call it that, because a mom is a full-time position, no matter if you work away from the home ore not)?  Absolutely!  But I also wanted to be able to stand on my own two feet.

I am not one who sits back and lets others do for me, when I am completely capable of doing it myself.

Well, that full-time opportunity that I took, was one of the hardest 10 months of my life.  The owner was very difficult to work for.  In fact, about 2 weeks after I started there, I started putting my resume back out there again to look for something different.

About 10 months later, and 100's of resume's later, I got a call.   A phone interview, then an "in person" interview.  The interview went so well.  The whole weekend I was praying I would get an offer.  Monday morning came, I checked my email and sure enough the offer was there.  I grabbed it in a heartbeat.  This was it.  This was the position I was waiting for.  The position that offered me the best independence I could hope for.  The ability to help me stand on my own two feet.  The chance to work with some wonderful people.

Was the last job difficult?  OH yes, but I wouldn't trade it for the world because it provided me with the knowledge of a program I needed to obtain this job.

And I love this job.

And in the meantime of all of this, I am starting to realize some other dreams of mine.

Like becoming a professional photographer.

And with the EXTREME encouragement of my dear friend, Stacy, I am using my crocheting skills to create items to sell to others.  Hats, scarves, headbands, blankets, and I will be working on some clothing pieces soon too.

I am doing all of this for ME.  But not just for me.  For my girls.  To show them that they can, and should, be able to stand on their own two feet.  To realize that they can go for their dreams.

Empowerment.

Being a positive influence in the world.