New Tattoo

This is my new tattoo I got a couple of weeks ago.

The symbol inside the circle of beads is an "Om Shanti" symbol.

Here is a synopsis of its meaning:

"Like many mantras, this one begins with "Om". Om has no meaning, and its origins are lost in the mists of time. Om is considered to be the primeval sound, the sound of the universe, the sound from which all other sounds are formed.

In the Brahminical tradition, from where Buddhism undoubtedly obtained mantra practice, Om is not just the universal sound, but the sound of the universe itself. For example in the (non-Buddhist) Mandukya Upanishad, it is said:

Om! — This syllable is this whole world.

Its further explanation is: –
The past, the present, the future — everything is just the word Om.

And whatever else that transcends threefold time — that, too, is just the word Om.

You could regard Om as being the equivalent of white light, in which all of the colors of the rainbow can be found.Om is therefore a sound symbolizing reality. It represents everything in the universe, past, present, and future. It even represents everything that is outside of those three times. It therefore represents both the mundane world of time in which the mind normally functions, and the world as perceived by the mind that is awakened and that experiences the world timelessly. It represents both enlightenment and non-enlightenment.

Shanti (Pali: Santi) simply means "peace". It’s a beautiful meaning and also a very beautiful sound. The shanti is repeated three times, as are many chants in Buddhism. In Buddhism as well as in Hinduism the threefold Shanti is generally interpreted as meaning the Threefold Peace in body, speech, and mind (i.e. peace in the entirety of one’s being)."

Now, while I do not practice Buddhism, the whole concept of this meaning resonates with me.

I have plenty of times when I feel that life around me is out of control and I need to find a place of peace.  A place to just "BE" and allow that wild roller coaster to follow through on it's path.

I have said before that I am Passionate.   And Impatient. And Stubborn.  And VERY Caring.  These things I know for sure about me.  I will be the first to admit it.

There are so many things and events and people in this world that I can accept.  But just like any other person, there are certain values I hold strong to me and how I want to live my life that I will not deter on.

I first saw this symbol on a charm of a necklace that my dear friend, Stacy, sells.  I know I have mentioned her Bella Wish shop on many occasions and showcased necklaces that I have purchased from her.  When I bought the necklace, that holds this charm, a few years ago, it was my little reminder to me to work at Peace.  With myself.  With others.  With how people should treat others.

Now that's not to say that I don't have my fits of emotion.  I do, believe me I do.  And everyone has to.  You can't bottle that up inside.  It will eat you alive.  Especially if you are passionate about things.  Yes, excitement is a wonderful thing to do, but having that anger and hurt is also a normal part of being human and you have to let that out too.  Obviously it's best to emit that emotion in a manner that is not harmful to yourself or others.

The other day a friend posted about how her girls were having an epic meltdown, and how I said I wanted to be a little kid again and have that meltdown.  And she gave me "permission" to do it.  And I should be able to do it.  I should.  And I did, to an extent.  I screamed so loud in my car that I scared even myself.  But a buildup of emotion has to go get released somehow.  And if I can scream in my car to emit some of that release, that has got to be a good thing.  Because honestly, do you really want that emotion eating you up inside?  You've got to be able to release it.  And it was done in a way that did no harm to anyone (except maybe my vocal cords).

To get back to Peace.

And while I could certainly wear my necklace every day to remind me of it, I wanted something more permanent on me that I could look at every day.  A reminder of who I resonate to be, and truly am, inside and out, amid all the chaos.

Featured Artist!

I'm so excited to announce this!  Today I am the featured artist on one of my fellow artist's blog!

Read about it over here! :)  Kelly Mae Kreations

On Being A SAHM and Full-Time "Paid" Working Mom

I have been on both ends of this spectrum.

I have seen major debates on the "Stay At Home Mom (SAHM)" and the Full-Time Working Mom.  And thankfully most people are accepting of both.

I used to be a SAHM.  And I loved and cherished every moment of it.  Being able to be there for every little think that my child went through.  Keeping a clean house, meals on the tables.  You know, the whole June Cleaver, 1950's mom.

Yes, I missed being in the workforce and interacting with adults who got paid for their work.

My transition into the workforce was a slow one back.

We had moved out of state and really had no plans to come back.  But after a family member passed away I wanted to come back.  So we did.  And I started to work again.  Granted it was very minor, about 6 hours a week, I think, to start with.  But it was nice to have that little extra cash.

Then, slowly, I started working more hours and eventually I think I was up to 16-20 hours a week.  I worked as a bookkeeper for a private investigator.  My boss was the bomb.  He was SO accommodating to me when it came to my children.  I was able to bring them to work with me, heck, when I had my 2nd girl, he moved me into an office, got me a little portable crib/playpen, so I could bring her into work with me.  I didn't have to pay for childcare, and I was able to be with my girls.  I was able to take them to and from school.  I only would work while they were in school.  They got to come home right after school.

It was the ideal set up for me.

But as we all know, life does not stay the same.

There came a time when it was necessary for me to work full-time.  First it started off at 30 hours a week, and that meant that I needed to put my youngest in after-school care.  It was on the school grounds and so I felt very comfortable with that.  I had hoped to never have to do that, but it is  safe place, she has friends there, and she does her homework there and saves me the battles of having to have her do it at home.  An EXTREME plus in my book with the homework! :P

Then I was provided an opportunity to work full-time, with a different company that was able to pay a little bit more.  See, it was necessary for me to start becoming self-sufficient.  But this was something I wanted to do. Would I have loved to have continued to work part-time and be that "part-time" stay at home mom (if you even want to call it that, because a mom is a full-time position, no matter if you work away from the home ore not)?  Absolutely!  But I also wanted to be able to stand on my own two feet.

I am not one who sits back and lets others do for me, when I am completely capable of doing it myself.

Well, that full-time opportunity that I took, was one of the hardest 10 months of my life.  The owner was very difficult to work for.  In fact, about 2 weeks after I started there, I started putting my resume back out there again to look for something different.

About 10 months later, and 100's of resume's later, I got a call.   A phone interview, then an "in person" interview.  The interview went so well.  The whole weekend I was praying I would get an offer.  Monday morning came, I checked my email and sure enough the offer was there.  I grabbed it in a heartbeat.  This was it.  This was the position I was waiting for.  The position that offered me the best independence I could hope for.  The ability to help me stand on my own two feet.  The chance to work with some wonderful people.

Was the last job difficult?  OH yes, but I wouldn't trade it for the world because it provided me with the knowledge of a program I needed to obtain this job.

And I love this job.

And in the meantime of all of this, I am starting to realize some other dreams of mine.

Like becoming a professional photographer.

And with the EXTREME encouragement of my dear friend, Stacy, I am using my crocheting skills to create items to sell to others.  Hats, scarves, headbands, blankets, and I will be working on some clothing pieces soon too.

I am doing all of this for ME.  But not just for me.  For my girls.  To show them that they can, and should, be able to stand on their own two feet.  To realize that they can go for their dreams.

Empowerment.

Being a positive influence in the world.

Tag.....I'm It!

I have been tagged by Lori Moon Studio. She is one of my amazing creative souls.


The Rules
...you must post the rules
...answer 11 questions the tagger posted for you
...create 11 questions to ask the people you tag
...tag 11 people
...let them know you've tagged them


My questions:


1. If you have/had to get a one word tattoo. What would it be?


Sorry but my "word" tattoo will be two words.................... "Bite Me"




2. What are two things you love the sound of?


My two daughters when they get along.




3. What is your favorite holiday celebration of the year?


Christmas.............hands down.




4. Share some advice on friendship, love or marriage...


I would have to say that, for me, I am an open person and I accept people for who they are.  So that would be my advice.  Accept them for who they are.




5. A quote you live by?


"Everything happens for a reason"




6. decisions..decision..heart or head?


Oh man, this is a hard one.   Both.




7. Where are you headed for your next holiday/vacation?


I am going to spend time with my sister in a little over a week up in L.A. and then in July I am going to Vegas to see family. :)




8. What is something you do every morning when you get up?


Check my cell phone, lol

9. When do you feel most free?


When I get the chance to get away from it all.




10. What couldn't you live without?


My children.




11. Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring...tell us your favorite & what you love most about it.


Spring.  There's just something about it that makes me feel alive.  Also, my birthday is in the springtime and I LOVE my birthday. :)


I hope you enjoyed my answers! :)

Words and Music and Feelings

Music has always been an important part of my life.

It really is a big influence in the world when you think about it.

Music has the power to evoke so many emotions in people.  

From happiness to sadness and a myriad of emotions in between.

I really can't say there isn't a genre of music I DON'T like.  Oh sure, there are certain types where I prefer that, but then comes along a song in another type of genre that I do like. 

Back in my high school and beyond days, I would go to dance clubs (Florentine Gardens, The Palace, Club 21, Marilyns, Network, 321, Seven Seas,) and clubs in Hollywood and L.A. to listen to bands (i.e. The Roxy, Whiskey A Go Go, The Troubadour, Gazarri's, The Country Club - In Reseda).   And this happened pretty much EVERY weekend.

I always enjoyed going to clubs, whether it was listening to bands, or dancing to music or both.

I also envied those who could play a musical instrument.  My dear friend, Stacy, who came from a musical family background, knew how to play the piano and the drums.  Hey, I played the clarinet in 3rd grade, does that count?  LOL!

My actual earliest memory of a song I remember was when I was 4 years old and my mom had taken me with her to a motocross event (back then when it was just me and her, she partied and went places.  Hard to imagine that, huh?) and I remember Chicago's "Saturday in the Park" playing.   When I hear that song, I always revert back to that time and place.

In the 70's there was my first "teen idol" crush, with Andy Gibb and Shawn Cassidy.  And, of course, let us not forget disco music.  I had a "disco dance contest" at one of my slumber parties.  Yes, don't laugh, I still love disco. *grin*

In high school I had posters of bands and artists all over my walls in my room.  I was always on the lookout for the not "common" posters, but ones of early days of the artists.   In fact, I had a Madonna poster that apparently is so rare, I can't even find it on the web to show you! (Damn, I knew I should have kept it......)

In high school, I also made a vow to stay current with the current trends of music when I had kids, and I have kept that vow.

Normally these days when I go out and dance, it's the current dance music, but last weekend I went to a club where they had Reggae Music playing and I had such a good time! 

Back when I was growing up it was 8-tracks, cassettes and records (yes I still have my purple 12" Purple Rain record), and now it's CD's and mostly mp3's, but no matter how the music is produced to listen to, I will always have it be a part of my life.

Word of the Year - 2012

Textures by Kim Klassen

Word of the Year.

This is a word that encompasses you and what you want to have as YOUR word for the year.  This word belongs to you.

It can be a word that helps you get through things.

A word that will give you strength throughout the year.

A word that describes you.

It can be whatever you want it to mean.

Last year my word of the year was:  CHOOSE.

A powerful word.  A word that gives me ownership to what I do.  I don't HAVE to or NEED to do it, I CHOOSE to do it.

It was a word that resonated with me from the year before and followed me into last year.

Last year another word started resonating with me.

The word was: PASSION.

This word describes ME.

It's a word I use in my descriptions of me, whether it be on Facebook, Twitter, Gmail, etc.

I am so passionate about so many things.

From my children to my beliefs.

From my art to my creations.

From my family to my friends.

From love to even, yes, loathe.  (I dont' like using the word hate)

Passion is what keeps me going.

Passion is what helps me to aspire to what I want to be.

Passion is what describes my feelings.

Passion is, ultimately, ME.

What is your word of the year?

What is that ONE word that can describe you and what you want to use to help you get through the tough times, the wonderful times,  and just everyday life?

Try finding a word.

It helps.

Trust me.

My Fly Tribe Gals and I are each doing a post about each of our Word of The Year.  Please take some time and read about each one of our words.   Thank you Kelly Rae Roberts for bringing us together.

All you have to do is click on this Fly Tribe Logo/Button and it will take you to our culmative page with all of our blogs.  Thank you.

The Women Before Me.

I have a post I'm working on, it's just semi-difficult to get into the right words.  It's a post that I need to post, for me.  But in the meantime, I'm reposting a post I did a few  years ago on my old blog...........


This post is about the women before me.  My ancestors.  And a necklace....


In my possession, I own a cameo necklace.   It's a family necklace.  Here it is:



And here is a closeup of the cameo portion:



This is the only picture of I have of my great-great-great grandmother, Anna:

She came over from Switzerland with her husband Caspar in the early to mid 1800's. That is about the only information I have of her. I know that she and Caspar had their children here in America, and that this picture was probably taken here in America.  I don't know if she was the original owner of the necklace or not, but I do know that my great-great grandma Lydia had it, as you can see she is wearing it in this picture:


Here is her daughter, my great-great Grandmother, Lydia:

This picture was probably taken circa 1900 or so. I do know it was passed on to her daughter, Lillian, however she was not the "eldest" daughter, so I don't know why it was given to her (not that being the eldest daughter automatically means you get it or anything like that, at least not back then, I'm just curious as to why she possessed it).

Here is my great-grandmother, Lillian:

This picture was probably taken circa 1920. I know I have a picture of her somewhere where she is wearing the necklace as well. My Grandma Lillian died far too early in her life. Throughout many years the family thought that she had died some mysterious "woman" disease. It wasn't until a family reunion in 2000 where we found out that she had died from an abortion gone wrong. This was in 1934. And it was in South Dakota, which makes me even more upset about South Dakota trying to pass a law against abortion. I have no idea why she had an abortion back then, but I can only guess that maybe it was because it was during the Depression era, and possibly they barely had enough food for her, her husband, and 3 children. Maybe it was a medical reason why she had to have one. We'll never know. I do know that the necklace was passed down to my grandma, who was the eldest daughter:

My grandma never had a picture taken of her with the necklace. I do remember getting to look at it now and then when I would visit her. My grandma didn't have the easiest life either. She was 12 when her mom died and her and her sister had to go live with an aunt and uncle (because back then it wasn't proper for a father to raise girls by himself) and thus she was separated from her brother and her father. She got to see them during the summers however. Then her aunt and uncle were in the military and were being stationed in Puerto Rico and another aunt, Aunt Edie, thought it was far too improper to have children being raised in Puerto Rico, so she took over care of my grandma and my aunt. While I'm sure Aunt Edie loved them, she was much more strict on my grandma and my grandma ended up eloping with my grandpa John when she was 19 because she knew Aunt Edie would have forbidden the marriage. After my grandma passed away in 1993, the ownership of the necklace went to my mom, the eldest daughter:

This picture was taken during the mid 1960's. My mother also never had a picture taken with her wearing the necklace. When my mom passed away in 2004, the necklace then came into my possession, the eldest daughter.
I knew far, far in advance that the necklace would one day be mine. My mom always told me that. Even though my mom's death was sudden, she did state her intentions with certain family items, and the cameo necklace was one of them.
So now it is in my possession, stored securly in the safe. My great aunt Joan (my grandma's sister) told me that I should wear black when wearing the necklace, it highlights the necklace more. So one day soon, I will take a picture with me wearing the necklace.
And one day I would like to take it to get it appraised to see if they can even determine where the necklace had originated from, when it was possibly made. The value of the necklace is priceless to me.

Turning the Corner

This past week I made a decision.

What should I focus on...

Would it be crocheting?

Sewing?

Photography?

All three I love with a passion.

But as my daughter and friend/mentor told me.....I need to pick one.

That doesn't mean I have to abandon the others.

It just means I have to put my main focus on one passion and run with it.

I need to own that passion.

Show that passion.

Live that passion.

A few events came into play this past week to render my decision.

I was commissioned for some work with this passion.

I was introduced to another fellow artist by a longtime friend of mine, and this was without her knowing what decision I had made.

I was "friended" by two fellow artists on Google+ who chose the same passion I am choosing.

A friend encouraged me to enter a blog contest.

All of these events happened within a week of each other.

Coincidence?

Or were they signs telling me what was in my heart all along?

However you look at it.

I chose it.

I chose photography.

I know I have a long way to go to find my niche in the photography world.

But it's what I love.

It's a passion that I rekindled a couple of years ago, with many possibilities.  I was making contacts.

A passion that I had to put on hold for a little while.

But no more.

I'm back.

And it's what I love to do.

And I can't wait to keep rekindling that passion as I keep pushing forward.

Stay tuned......

Finding Balance

Yin Yang Symbol

"Balance is essential to harmony and health"

"Yin-Yang represents the ancient Chinese understanding of how things work. The outer circle represents "everything", while the black and white shapes within the circle represent the interaction of two energies, called "yin" (black) and "yang" (white), which cause everything to happen. They are not completely black or white, just as things in life are not completely black or white, and they cannot exist without each other."

Finding that "Balance" in your life can be VERY frustrating.

Things aren't going your way.  You feel you are trying and trying and getting nowhere.

I get that.  BELIEVE me, I get that.

The past 14 months, actually the past 2 years I have felt that way.  Between a marriage ending, finding a full-time job, finding my place, taking care of my girls, living in a house that likes to suck in water when it rains REALLY heavy for a LONG time, getting a new car, trying to keep order going, friends, family, etc, etc, etc.

You get it.

It's not easy.  There are many a time when I just want to crawl up into a ball, shut out the world and say "forget about it".  Or yell and scream and cry and say "life's not fair"!

And then I have those self-doubts.  You know them. We ALL have them.  I don't care HOW confident you are, you know you get them too. 

BUT.......

You've got to find the good in everything too.  You've GOT to find the balance to even that all out.

You've got to find the positives.

The marriage ended, but I get a chance to showcase who I AM.  I had to find a crappy full-time job, but I got to learn new software and learn how to tolerate other things and find a new job that starts soon.   I felt lost at times, but I smile and am more happy now than I have been in a long time.  My car broke down, I had to get a new smaller, car with payments, but it's MY car, and it's cute, and I like it.   Yes, there's chaos in my life, but I try and look for the positive every day.  To try and find out a lesson that I'm learning to improve myself. Friends and family will tell you that I am a very impatient person.  But I am learning patience.  And that is vital to me.  To my psyche.

See?

Balance.

I DO have a lot on my plate.  But I make time for ME.  For myself.  To go enjoy life with the people I care about.  Share special moments.  Make others smile.  Make me smile.

And that is a key important in finding that balance.  You may be starting to undertake a HUGE committement in your life.  Or start to take on a project that may be life altering in some aspect of your life.  And it may seem overwhelming. (Trust me, I feel overwhelmed PLENTY of times).  But take time and go have fun.   Go by yourself or share it with friends, or a special someone who makes you smile. 

Find that balance in your life.

A New Path Is Forming

Our lives are one continuous path.  One road.  That road may twist and turn a LOT, but it's still a path we must take.

Today I took a step on a new path that I have been wanting to take for a long time.

My beautiful magical friend encouraged me to take it.

She has been pushing me to take this path for a long time now.

She inspired me to take it a few years ago.  And that path, while it was a small one, was a start of a journey I am on now.

That path didn't dead end for me, but it did come to a standstill, for the time being.

I am hoping to pick up that path again very soon.

And while I'm not sure if the path will entail the same elements it did before, it is a path that I feel I am ready to start back up on.

A path for ME.

A path that I have to believe DO believe is meant for me.

A path of creativity.  Of success.

A path where I have the confidence of showcasing that part of me and believing in it.

I know it won't be an easy journey.

There will be many ups and downs, self doubt, worries, highs, lows, but I CHOOSE to believe that  this is something for me.

I still can't quite put my finger on exactly what it will be, but I have friends who see me down the road, being successful.   They can feel the energy that will be there.

And if they believe..............

Then I must as well.

Not for them, but for ME.  For me and my girls.

Here we go.

Simpler Things

This summer I brought back out the Popsicle molds I have, and by using Kool-Aid, or Juice, I have been making popsicles for the girls.  MUCH cheaper than buying them, that's for sure.

I have been having to go back to doing the "simpler" things in life, for economic reasons.

Growing up, I didn't have much.  I shared a bedroom with my 2 sisters, and my mom raised the 3 of us.  On her own.  We lived in a duplex so we did have a front yard which was very nice for us  It made the little place we lived in feel a little bigger.

Sometimes for dinner we would have soup and corn muffinsr, or peaches and cottage cheese, and my sisters and I thought that was the best!  Little did we know then, that that was all my mom could afford.  But she made things like that seem super special for us.

Sodas were a treat on the weekends, and weekends only.  Heck, going out to dinner was a REAL treat for us then, too, as it did not happen often at all.

I have found myself remembering those time and using them for a reference.

I do have it much better than my mom did, when she raised me and my two sisters.  I am definitely grateful for that.

But as little as we did have, we were happy.  We were grateful for the things we did have (and yes, we did envy our friends who had more, but it seemed they always liked being at our house).

And while being without certain things, we made due with what we had and learned how to do things, that maybe we wouldn't have learned how to do, had we had more things.

For example, I learned how to sew and crochet at a very early age (10).   Something I still need to teach my girls how to do.  Spending summers coloring, doing paint-by-numbers, coloring those HUGS posters with markers (do you remember those?)

A couple of weeks ago I was up in L.A., visiting my friend, Jayde.  While we were talking, some entertainers were getting ready to perform in the park across the street.  He and I went and watch and it was so entertaining to watch!  And the best part?  It was free!

Which got my mind thinking of all the activities that me and my girls could do that were free.  Like partake at a concert in the park.  Or go to the beach (yes, parking is free here in San Diego).  Or go to the park, or the library (as long as we return the books back on time...)

And these days they have these "daily save" emails that you can get from various places where you can buy "coupons" for a ridiculously low price.  I got the girls and I tickets to Knott's Soak City for $15 apiece, which is more than 1/2 off the normal price!  Or 2 for 1 movie tickets.  Or spend $5 and get $10 worth of food at Submarina, and things like that.

In this economy, these things are valuable.  And even more so for me.  Because it makes it possible for me to do these things, that I, otherwise wouldn't be able to afford to do.

It brings me back to when I was young, and also early on when my oldest was little and we had to "economize".    It helps to bring out the "creativity" in me.  To think "outside the box".

And I believe it is a valuable tool to teach my girls.  To help them appreciate more what they DO have.  And yes, they are going to wish they had other things.  They are going to wish they had more.  But, in reality, don't we all?  And that's okay to think that, or wish that, as long we DO appreciate what we DO have, and be grateful for that.

So tell me, what are some of the simpler things in life that you like to do?  I would love any and all of your suggestions.

The Journey.....What Lies Ahead........

Our life is a constant journey.

The journey doesn't end until we do.

Lately I've been feeling a pull in my direction.

It was a little tug, but the more time that goes one, the more I feel that pull.

A pull back into the scrapbooking world, but not like it was before.

Before, for me it was creating pages to showcase the pictures of my girls.  My family.

Wanting the latest and greatest supplies the scrapbooking world had to offer.  But always having it surrounded with family photos.  I am attaching a couple of pages I took a snapshot of, of my work.

Simple pages, really.

But it's what's on those pages that inspire me.

And I'm not just talking about the pictures.

I'm talking about the mediums that are on there.

The paper.....Oooooh, the paper, have always loved the paper.

The embellishments.  Acrylic flowers, brads, flowers, ribbon, and paint.

Such an endless array of items beyond that to create with.

So what if I used those in some sort of way to showcase other things?

I wonder how it would turn out?

Stay tuned, to find out.

What lies ahead for me?  I have no idea.  But I'm looking forward to it.

Life is a journey that you can choose to embrace or fear.  I choose to embrace it.

I choose to embrace it with people in my life who make me smile.   People in my life who make me think.  People who I love for who they are.  People who inspire me.

Choose

A few years ago I started seeing a therapist.

Okay background story..........my mom passed away on December 19, 2004 unexpectedly from a massive stroke.  This was a devastating loss to me and my whole family.  She was our rock.  She was my rock.

On my old blog I have a post describing the day my family scattered her ashes.  You can read it here:
Mom's Ashes

Shortly after that, her estate went through probate and everything was settled.  I received the check in the mail and that day I had my first panic attack.  Needless to say that was the beginning of a long road ahead of me.

I found out through therapy and talking that I had really had suffered from anxiety for a long time, this just brought it all to the forefront.  It was a long road that I hope I never go through again.  Suffering from anxiety and panic attacks can literally be paralyzing.  It took a few years for me to really get over it.  That and a wonderful therapist who I cherish.

She also gave me a word that I took ownership of.

"CHOOSE"

People always say "I have to do this" or "I have to do that".  When in reality most of the time you don't.

 It is something you are CHOOSING to do.

So when my beautiful friend Stacy had a "Word of the Year" necklace at her shop Bella Wish, I wanted one.  But for the longest time I couldn't come up with MY word.  Then all of the sudden I realized MY word was standing there right in front of me.   CHOOSE.

My life has changed a LOT since last year.  And I chose to handle it in my own way.

We don't always get what we want and a lot of the time we have to work hard for it.  But it's a choice we are making to do that.

I was talking with a good friend of mine the past couple of days.  I was helping them with their problem and I realized that I needed a little help myself.  My friend and I think a LOT alike, and it was in their words to me to help me to realize that I had a choice.  And I took ownership of that.  And I chose to take control of it.

When life gets to be a little hairy, remember that you have a choice.  Step back, gain perspective, realize you do have a choice.  Maybe there is a situation that is beyond your control and there is nothing you can do about it, but you DO have a choice in how you handle it.

And to my friend, if you are reading this, thank you again for helping me to realize my choice. :)

I've Come A Long Way Baby......

.....So Far......

I had lunch with a dear friend the other day and she reminded me of a lot of things.

The number one thing?  How far I've come in a year's time.

This time last year I was contemplating a major life decision.   Something that I did NOT enter into lightly.  As she reminded me, we "Taurus people", do not do anything lightly.  We think about it, we analyze it into the ground. We think of all the different scenarios that could possibly happen with each event we plan, or each decision we make.

So while it was a hard decision, it was the right one.

I remember last year talking with her and another friend about it in the mornings (as well as some family members and a few other close friends) and they both reminded me that I am a strong person and I can and will get through it.

And while some things have not turned out exactly how I would have liked them too,  that's not to say that it still can't happen.


My house......I was telling my friend how I'm almost done with the living room and she reminded me that last year around this time, I had done NOTHING with it yet.  So yes, I can definitely see progress in that.  I know there are other things I want to do with it and I will get them done, in time.

Photography.......That, I feel, will come in time, when I am able to devote more time to it and slowly build up my portfolio.

Coronado Orange......My etsy shop.  Sadly it has severely suffered and I have not created anything to sell in a couple of years.  I do have plans in the works and have ideas of what I want to create to reopen it hopefully by the fall.

Bookkeeping.......My goal is to be an bookkeeper to a few exclusive clients.  I don't want to spread myself too thin and not be able to give them the quality that they deserve.  I have one client right now, with a potential of another one soon.

My girls.......I know this has been hard on my girls.  It's never easy on anyone.  I try to keep as much of a routine with them as possible and, after a year, I feel they really do seem to be settling down.  I know that a lot of anxiety that used to be there is no longer there, which does reiterate the fact that the decision was a good one to make.

My life.......I just keep smiling. :)

While there have obviously been a few bumps in the road, I am overcoming them, I am learning from them and working on learning to take those bumps in the road with better clarity.

Nothing

I've had many a thought in my head today.  I've tried to figure out how to put it down into words and the words keep failing me.

So this post is about "Nothing" in particular.

The word "Nothing" reminds me of the TV Show, "Seinfeld".  Remember that episode about where they were going to create a show about NOTHING?

Sometimes it's best to do nothing.  Not a SINGLE DAMN THING.

Sometimes, even though you WANT to do something, sometimes, the best thing is to actually do nothing.

Let those thoughts settle in your head.

Give it a day or two to ponder on those thoughts.  Because, more often than not, those thoughts might become more clearer as the day or two passes.

I KNOW what I want to do, but sometimes it's not always a good thing to act on that.

I learned this from a good friend of mine who I have been good friends with for almost 4 years now.  This friend and I have had many a talk over the years, and I have learned quite a bit from this friend.  Granted there are those times when this friend is wrong, but for the most part, I have received good advice.

And doing "Nothing"  is one thing this friend taught me.   And it's not about avoidance or anything like that.

Judy to be put aside for the time being.

So that's what I'm going to do.

Nothing.

And you never know.  Maybe in a few days life will happen and those thoughts won't even need to be re-examined.

Roller Coaster

A beautiful sweet soul of a mermaid introduced me to this song/video years ago.  I often find myself returning to it for a "reality check"

I am an emotional person.

That's it, plain and simple.

For the most part I am on an even, level keel, and yes, a smart ass to the core.

But something happens to throw me off the even, level keel of a course?

Oh, watch out.

I'm not saying that I go ballistic, but I do react.

And sometimes I overreact.

But guess what.   That's WHO I AM.

Yes, once I calm down from the situation there may be times where I look back and say, "What the hell?  Why did I freak out like that?"  And sometimes, yes, MAYBE sometimes I will apologize for overreacting.

But, AGAIN, that's WHO I AM.

Life IS a roller coaster.

Like Jem says, "Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down"

And when I get faced with an unknown, or a deviation from the route, I go a little haywire.

My friend, Travis, calls me moody.

Yea, probably.

For the most part I am a happy person with a smile on  my face that people say they like.  I get compliments on it.  They say it makes them smile, they say that my smile makes my whole face smile.

But even the smiley people have to have their moments too.

I'm not your "run of the mill" person.

I am who I am.  I am passionate.  I am dorkalicious, I am independent, I am needy, I am confident, I am unsure, I am a disco-loving, rollerskating-loving girl.  I love hockey.  I used to collect hockey trading cards,  I used to collect Fisher Price Little People.  I love to help people.  I am a photographer.  I am a bookkeeper, I love to create,  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I am stubborn, dammit, I am ME.

Yes, there are times where I wish I could be numb because sometimes that rollercoaster gets a little scary with those hairpin turns.

So yea.

That's me.

And if you don't like it.  Well, that's not my problem, that's yours.

A quote that I read once sums it up, "If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"

And my best is "da bomb".

Be

OM SHANTI necklace from www.bellawish.etsy.com

As most of you know, who know me, know that I have been going through a lot lately.

And most of the time, I think I am handling it very well.

I see a therapist, and have been seeing her for years.  Yes, I will admit it.  No, I'm not crazy.  I went through a phase in my life, after my mom died, of extreme anxiety and panic attacks.  She helped me.  She helped me get back to me.

And now, with all the other things I've got going on in my life, she helps ME to see who I am and how to help get through it.

Anyway.  back to ME.

So, while 90% of the time, I handle things very well now, there is always that 10% where I get all emotional.

I told a friend one time that sometimes I hated being a girl, because I get emotional and cry sometimes. There was a period of time in my life where I felt numb.  And I actually liked feeling that way.  It was sort of a protective barrier for me, if you will.

Thank goodness for my friends though.  They are the best.

The necklace you see pictured above is made by one of my dear friends.  Her store is located here:  www.bellawish.etsy.com

This necklace was one that I had been looking at for a long time off and on.  I finally realized it was something that I wanted to have.  See, the thing is, with her necklaces, at least for me, give me strength in a way, if you want to call it that.  Words can be a powerful thing.  And even just ONE word can just BE, that.

So it was fate, if you want to call it that, that this necklace arrived in my mailbox today.  When I think I needed it the most.

I was having a rough day emotionally (like I said, most of the time I am JUST FINE, but now and then, it just gets to me) and when I came home for lunch and saw it in my mailbox I got giddy.  Because it was something for me to remind me to just BE.  Here is her description of the necklace:

"Om is the sound in which all other sounds are formed. Shanti is Sanskrit for Peace. This necklace was created as a reminder to cultivate peace through words and actions in mind, body and soul; to bring peace with us rather than leave it behind and practice simply being as well as send these blessings to other"


I immediately put the necklace on and fingered it, like I do with all my necklaces that I wear.  It was a reminder to me to just "BE"  To calm down, and realize that life will happen, and I can freak out about it or I can just calm down, relax and just be ME.


I will be posting about other necklaces I have from her, as they each have special meaning to me and are a reminder to me of how I choose to feel at that moment.


Because let's face it.  We all have feelings and we all need to be able to express them.  Don't you agree?