I've Come A Long Way Baby......

.....So Far......

I had lunch with a dear friend the other day and she reminded me of a lot of things.

The number one thing?  How far I've come in a year's time.

This time last year I was contemplating a major life decision.   Something that I did NOT enter into lightly.  As she reminded me, we "Taurus people", do not do anything lightly.  We think about it, we analyze it into the ground. We think of all the different scenarios that could possibly happen with each event we plan, or each decision we make.

So while it was a hard decision, it was the right one.

I remember last year talking with her and another friend about it in the mornings (as well as some family members and a few other close friends) and they both reminded me that I am a strong person and I can and will get through it.

And while some things have not turned out exactly how I would have liked them too,  that's not to say that it still can't happen.


My house......I was telling my friend how I'm almost done with the living room and she reminded me that last year around this time, I had done NOTHING with it yet.  So yes, I can definitely see progress in that.  I know there are other things I want to do with it and I will get them done, in time.

Photography.......That, I feel, will come in time, when I am able to devote more time to it and slowly build up my portfolio.

Coronado Orange......My etsy shop.  Sadly it has severely suffered and I have not created anything to sell in a couple of years.  I do have plans in the works and have ideas of what I want to create to reopen it hopefully by the fall.

Bookkeeping.......My goal is to be an bookkeeper to a few exclusive clients.  I don't want to spread myself too thin and not be able to give them the quality that they deserve.  I have one client right now, with a potential of another one soon.

My girls.......I know this has been hard on my girls.  It's never easy on anyone.  I try to keep as much of a routine with them as possible and, after a year, I feel they really do seem to be settling down.  I know that a lot of anxiety that used to be there is no longer there, which does reiterate the fact that the decision was a good one to make.

My life.......I just keep smiling. :)

While there have obviously been a few bumps in the road, I am overcoming them, I am learning from them and working on learning to take those bumps in the road with better clarity.

Nothing

I've had many a thought in my head today.  I've tried to figure out how to put it down into words and the words keep failing me.

So this post is about "Nothing" in particular.

The word "Nothing" reminds me of the TV Show, "Seinfeld".  Remember that episode about where they were going to create a show about NOTHING?

Sometimes it's best to do nothing.  Not a SINGLE DAMN THING.

Sometimes, even though you WANT to do something, sometimes, the best thing is to actually do nothing.

Let those thoughts settle in your head.

Give it a day or two to ponder on those thoughts.  Because, more often than not, those thoughts might become more clearer as the day or two passes.

I KNOW what I want to do, but sometimes it's not always a good thing to act on that.

I learned this from a good friend of mine who I have been good friends with for almost 4 years now.  This friend and I have had many a talk over the years, and I have learned quite a bit from this friend.  Granted there are those times when this friend is wrong, but for the most part, I have received good advice.

And doing "Nothing"  is one thing this friend taught me.   And it's not about avoidance or anything like that.

Judy to be put aside for the time being.

So that's what I'm going to do.

Nothing.

And you never know.  Maybe in a few days life will happen and those thoughts won't even need to be re-examined.

Roller Coaster

A beautiful sweet soul of a mermaid introduced me to this song/video years ago.  I often find myself returning to it for a "reality check"

I am an emotional person.

That's it, plain and simple.

For the most part I am on an even, level keel, and yes, a smart ass to the core.

But something happens to throw me off the even, level keel of a course?

Oh, watch out.

I'm not saying that I go ballistic, but I do react.

And sometimes I overreact.

But guess what.   That's WHO I AM.

Yes, once I calm down from the situation there may be times where I look back and say, "What the hell?  Why did I freak out like that?"  And sometimes, yes, MAYBE sometimes I will apologize for overreacting.

But, AGAIN, that's WHO I AM.

Life IS a roller coaster.

Like Jem says, "Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down"

And when I get faced with an unknown, or a deviation from the route, I go a little haywire.

My friend, Travis, calls me moody.

Yea, probably.

For the most part I am a happy person with a smile on  my face that people say they like.  I get compliments on it.  They say it makes them smile, they say that my smile makes my whole face smile.

But even the smiley people have to have their moments too.

I'm not your "run of the mill" person.

I am who I am.  I am passionate.  I am dorkalicious, I am independent, I am needy, I am confident, I am unsure, I am a disco-loving, rollerskating-loving girl.  I love hockey.  I used to collect hockey trading cards,  I used to collect Fisher Price Little People.  I love to help people.  I am a photographer.  I am a bookkeeper, I love to create,  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I am stubborn, dammit, I am ME.

Yes, there are times where I wish I could be numb because sometimes that rollercoaster gets a little scary with those hairpin turns.

So yea.

That's me.

And if you don't like it.  Well, that's not my problem, that's yours.

A quote that I read once sums it up, "If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"

And my best is "da bomb".

Lizards and Crickets

Lizards.

I HATE lizards.

A few years ago there was one in my house and I had to have my friend come over at get it for me.  And it was a BABY lizard.

BLECH!

So yesterday, I was leaving to go out for a bit and I go to open up my screen door and there is a lizard ON my screen door.  And I'm thinking, "Okay, it's on the outside, I'm freaking out a little bit, but I can handle this".  NOOOOOOO.......it's on the INSIDE of my screen door.   AND my front door is OPEN, meaning it's IN my house!  ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::SHUDDER:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::.

So what do I do?  I slam the front door!  No way in hell am I taking a chance on having that thing come in MY house!  I'm getting the willies just thinking about it!  

Now, mind you I do have a dog and a cat, but the cat would probably just scare it in a corner or something and I'd never get the thing out of my house.

So I went out the back door, walked around to the front of the house, unlock the screen open up the screen door and the damn thing still would NOT. GET. OFF. MY. SCREENDOOR.

Now what.......

I found a pushbroom and got it off that way and prayed to god that it would leave the area by the time I got back.

:::::::::::::::::::shudder::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Thankfully it did.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Crickets......

Crickets give me the willies too.  They hop for crying out loud!  BLECH!

Back when my mom was alive and I was living with her for a bit, we had a problem with crickets in the house.  Me and my sister both can't stand them.   So everytime we saw one in the house, we would get the phone book and just drop it on the crickets.  Killed 'em right quick.

Then we would wait for our mom to get home so she could get them from underneath the phonebooks.

I'm not joking.

They freaked us out THAT much.

Now................when it comes to spiders?  Yes, I don't like them either, but I have learned to kill them myself.  Depending on what they are.

Some, I actually just leave alone.  They help me kill other bugs.

Which is a very good thing for me.

Because I can't stand bugs.

They bug me.  

I Shoot Like A Girl

Yes, another necklace from my beautiful friend, Stacy, who owns Bella Wish, from which this necklace came from.  When I saw that she had this in her store, I KNEW I had to have it.

I have ALWAYS loved photography.  Ever since I got my first polaroid camera when I was 10.  When I first took Photo in Junior High and again in High School, with my Pentax K1000.  I LOVED that camera.  I loved black and white photography.  I loved working with the pictures in the darkroom.  I always wanted to have a darkroom of my own in my own house.

Well, life got in the way, and things happen, and with me and my practical side, I never did any pursuing with it.  Along come my children and of course with children come photos.  And with the timing of them, along came scrapbooking too.  I fell in love with scrapbooking.  And what do you scrapbook?  Photos?  And how do you want to make your pages look better and stand out?  Take great pictures.  So my photography side came back out again.

When my mom passed away, I bought myself a Canon Digital Rebel SLR.  I love that camera.  The grip is all worn off and I need to get a new grip, but I still love it.  I love the lens I purchased for myself about 2 years ago as well.  There is a new lens I want to get as well, and hopefully soon I can get it.

So about 2 years ago, I really started getting into photography again.  I started shooting action shots (softball) and in the process, found a friend who does a lot of photography.  I started making connections.  I started talking to my friend, Brad, who is an AMAZING photographer, and AMAZING friend.  This was it.  The timing seemed so right.  I worked part-time, the girls were getting a little older, this was perfect, I was going to get the free time to finally start pursuing this.  I was out taking pictures around all different places.  I was getting some really good shots.

Then, once again, life happened.  And it wasn't meant to be then.

Once again, it got put on the back burner.  And I mean the WAY back burner.  To the point that I didn't pick up my camera for months.

And I missed it.

Boy did I miss it.

Just before Christmas I did a photo shoot with my girls.  We went down to Balboa Park and had fun.  And I worked with a difficult subject.  My youngest daughter.  Who was NOT in the mood to have her picture taken, AT ALL.  But I worked through it and loved the results.

This past weekend we had an AMAZING moon out to see.  Well, for those of us who didn't have COMPLETE cloud cover, that is.

So the night was beautiful and I went up to my friend's house for about a 1/2 hour and sat in his backyard and  shot this moon:

And again, I fell in love with my camera.

I'm hoping that this will help me to jumpstart this passion again and start moving things along.

Only time will tell.  But I know that this passion will not go away, and through all the obstacles, I will, one day be able to pursue this.

Daughter

Okay, so she says she hates this picture but it's one of my favorites.

She is such an amazing person.

She is beautiful inside and out.

That is when she's being nice.

When she's being sarcastic, she's just like me.

And she hates that.

Or so she says.

But I think she likes it.

But that could just be me.

She loves having her back cracked.

And cracking just about every other joint in her body.

She loves Eminem.

And the Beatles.

And the Foo Fighters.

And Usher.

And Linkin Park.

And yes.......Justin Beiber.  Sigh....  ::::::::::: shaking head::::::::::::

She loves to sit and watch TV with me.

And yes, she does love her sister, even though they fight, what seems like constantly.

But I remember what it was like to have a little sister.

And yet, another reason she is like me.

She is a strong young lady.

Something I was NOT when I was her age.

She steps up when needed.

And I SO appreciate that.

I have always asked her to be honest with me.

Even if it's not something I always want to hear.

But she is far better at knowing herself than I was at her age.

She ROCKS at soccer.

And she's very intelligent as well.

She laughs at me when I swear.

But she can swear with the best of them.

Must be that red hair feisty-ness coming out in her.

My friend, Cindy, loves her when she sees her and basically shoves me out of the way to see her.

Kindred spirits, I think.

She shows compassion, humanity.

She once started a charity fundraiser at her school for the victim of Hurricane Katrina.

Her sarcasm, wit, dry humor and smiles are the bomb.

When people say we look alike, I find that to be such a compliment, because I think she is stunning.

I am so proud to call her my daughter.

Expectations

I was talking with a friend this evening and the word "Expectation" came up.

This reminded me of a conversation I had with a dear friend about a year and a half ago.  I got to spend a lovely day with her and her daughter.  A day filled with laughter, and many conversations.

In the course of our conversation, the word "Expectations" proceeded to intertwine with our words quite a bit.

In the natural course of life we are bombarded with expectations that surround us.  When we are little, we expect our parents to be there for us.  When we are teenagers, we expect everything go our way (I mean, hello, at that point in our life we KNOW everything, right?)

In relationships we eventually have Expectations that, for the most part, are normal.  With our significant other, we expect them to treat us right.  We Expect them to be there for us.  We Expect them to "follow the rules", for lack of a better term when it comes TO the relationship.

Now, obviously, some people tend to have unrealistic expectations.  That's a given.  But for the most part, we have learned, growing up to have expectations.  And a lot of them are just the normal part of life.

But there comes a time when you do have to let certain expectations go in your life.  Sometimes it's just not the way it used to be, or the way you want it to be, and when there becomes a conflict like that in your life, you have to learn to let go of those expectations.   If something happens in your "expectations" and you feel they are not being met, you can do one of two things.

One, you can fight for those expectations, discuss those expectations and/or demand those expectations.  But that's not always a good option.  Sometimes you have to learn to let go.

And B, sometimes, it's also just opening up your eyes and seeing that person for who they are.  Not who you want them to be.  When you can do that, and learn to let go of those expectations, it is such a freeing feeling!   When you can look at someone and think to yourself, "This is who this person is" and not think about trying to change them, or make them into someone they are not, you are a much better person for it, and a tremendous weight has then been lifted off your shoulders.

And sometimes, even "normal" expectations have to be let go as well.

Now, I'm not saying that you should let go of all expectations in your life.  That would be unrealistic.  It's just letting GO of the expectations that are unrealistic or become unrealistic, or are causing conflict in your life, is where you can better your life and psyche for it.